Article written by Tiffany Nickel
Have you ever struggled with how to love your body when you just hate her (If the word hate bothers you, or doesn’t feel right, how about dislike)?
Maybe it’s an everyday battle with food, your appearance, the voices in and out of your head and how you feel during sexy times. Or perhaps you have the occasional bad day where you don’t like what you see in the mirror reflecting back at you.
Either way, being at war with your body is not healthy and it’s exhausting as fuck. We live in a society obsessed with the shape and weight of our bodies. In a society where companies and our whole culture tell us what to hate about ourselves, and then picks on them until we become insecure about them. Please tell me I am not the only one who sees how fucked up this is.
Learning to fully love and accept your body isn’t linear and it takes time. Unfortunately there are no quick fixes. Trust me, I know, there simply aren’t any short cuts. But there are some small, powerful steps you can take each day to begin loving (does “loving” feel too strong, how about liking) your body instead of hating her and feeling hopeless about this damaged relationship.
Here’s the beginning steps to start loving your body:
That’s right. You gotta get super real and admit that the relationship you have with your body SUCKS or at the very least isn’t what you want it to be (yet).
It’s okay that you’re struggling to love your body right now. Plenty of us are.
You know why?
Because we live in a society that constantly teaches us to hate our bodies. And if you manage to grow up unscathed, you’re one of the few, not the many.
But what’s important is you’re aware of your current relationship with your body, and you’re acknowledging that you want to make some changes. Because this is the first step to change.
So be accepting of your negative relationship with your body. And acknowledge that you want to create a friendship with your body. Tell yourself this, and mean it.
2. Asking the Right Questions.
Why do I want to look different than I do right now?
Have you ever really thought about this? It is a skipped over question, because it doesn’t even cross your mind. So there’s no better time than now to think about why you want to look different.
Why do you want your body to be a different shape or size?
More times than not, your reasons are deeply rooted in external love and acceptance. You believe that a more “attractive” body (whatever that means, because really we don’t know and it’s always changing) will get other people to like you, or respect you, value you, love you, have sex with you etc.
This is the biggest body lie out there. Changing the way you look does not equal happiness. Sure, it might be a factor in helping you feel good about yourself, but it’s definitely not the sole answer. As someone who has weighed well over 200 LBS and under 100LBS in my adult life I would know, I was never happier at any of these weights even if I “thought momentarily” my body looked better.
Don’t believe me? You only have to look at people who have had cosmetic surgery, or naturally thin models, who are still battling with addictions, eating disorders and hate for their bodies.
For you to really learn to love your body, you have to let go of the belief that your “dream body” (whatever that even really is) will fix all your problems. Because if you don’t address why you don’t feel good about yourself today, you’ll carry those feelings with you until you confront them, and process with them.
As cliche as it sounds, true love, true joy, and true pleasure come from within you, babe.
3. Stopping the Judgment
Do you spend your day walking around or scrolling on your phone and criticizing the way other people look? Or maybe wishing your body could look like “hers”?
When you do this, you reinforce the idea that your body equates to your worth and value as a human being. And news flash, your body size (big or small) has NOTHING to do with your worthiness or value. In case you didn’t get that I’m going to state it again in a different way.
The way you look holds absolutely NO value as a human in this world.
On top of that, you keep yourself trapped in a negative, low-vibration state. And this will affect your mood and mental health, which you’ll then bring with you into everything you do the rest of the day.
Deep down, I know that you know, you deserve to be loved and accepted for who you are right now RIGHT THE FUCK NOW! So release your judgment, because it’s not serving you or your body.
4. Less Focus on Weight
We are so obsessed with our weight, we try to determine our health and value based on the number of the scale. You cannot demonize your body, while simultaneously worshiping it above all else.
Ever find yourself in toxic habits that you are unaware of, or unable to break free from. As a society we are so detached from our bodies, that we don’t hear them speaking to us; telling us what they want and need. Even when we do, we don’t trust them.
But we can’t stop punishing ourselves until we stop believing we deserve to be punished. And to do that, you have to stop scrutinizing, what you eat, how you experience pleasure, what the scale says, and the number on the back of your jeans.
What would happen if you made a shift, and started focusing all that energy you use on food, and your weight and directing it toward compassion and radical body love?
This is the KEY to breaking the vicious cycle, and freeing yourself from your own obsession with weight. When you do that, you will naturally start making choices that make you feel amazing and set your soul on fire.
Yup. Masturbation is essential to feeling joy, pleasure and connecting to your wonderland of a body! Caressing and playing with your most intimate, sensitive parts, is a wonderful way to reconnect with your body, and associate it with pleasure.
You’ll get to know your body on a deeper level, understand that you are worthy of pleasure, and feel good. Plus, orgasms fill you with intoxicating chemicals that leave you on a type high. And you’ll have your body to thank for that.
I encourage you to make it like a ritual for yourself. Have a bath, light some candles, slip into something that makes you feel sexy, and just have fun exploring your body.
These 5 things are just the start. I highly recommend getting some support, (not only as a professional) but also as a woman who has tried to do this work by herself for years. It’s nearly impossible to see your blind spots. You have the power. You’ve always had the power. So take it back today you gloriously magnificent creature!