Editors Note: This article is a bit of a departure from our normal content, but one so many of us can relate too. We chose to publish this submission because loss and heartache, and the struggle to battle the darkness that comes with them is something we can all relate too. This article deals with miscarriage and suicidal ideation.
I awoke Mother’s Day morning knowing something was wrong. The spotting that had started the previous day persisted and my lower abdomen started to throb. Despite my inner knowing, I pretended that everything was alright and proceeded to go about my day as if nothing was wrong.
I kissed my love, gave big hugs and kisses to my children and forced myself to get ready for brunch with the family. I thought to myself, if I just stay positive, everything will be just fine…. Sadly this was not the case.
After barely making it through brunch with the family, I headed home, feigning the need for rest. Not wanting to alarm my loved ones, I sent them off to continue on with our Mother’s Day celebration plans. As I watched my family leave, I continued to pray, begging the universe to protect my unborn child.
As the hours ticked by, the blood continued to flow and I knew that my miracle baby was not going to make the appearance I had hoped he would in this world.
After praying for hours, I finally gave my baby permission to let go and within 45 minutes, I was passing his body through me. Oh how I envisioned meeting him differently. Blood all over the floor, the remains of his body in my hand. All I could think to do was to capture the experience with pictures and let my child’s father know our baby was gone. What a tough message to deliver to one of the people you most want to protect in the world.
The days following the loss of my baby proved to be some of the most difficult days I had to face in many years. Alongside the fact that my hopes and dreams for raising my baby were gone, I had to contend with immediate hormonal changes within my body.
I experienced moments of extreme sadness and moments of surrender. All to be expected after what I had just been through. What I did not anticipate was the quick onset of dark thoughts and suicidal ideation. Talk about getting walloped!
Given that I have been studying psychology for years, I knew that the thoughts I was having were not real. I knew that once my hormones subsided, my mind would quiet and I would once again be able to navigate life joyfully and with gratitude.
Still, when these thoughts came up, it took every inch of self control I had not to feed into the darkness. At one point the thoughts came so quickly and often that I spent 36 hours in between sleep just watching movies so that I could keep my mind off my thoughts….. I never thought I would say this but, thank god for T.V.!
Five days out from my miscarriage my hormones started to subside and I was able to come up for air. The bleeding had lessened and I opted to go for a run hoping that the fresh air and endorphins would do me good. As my feet hit the pavement, I shed tears of sorrow for the loss of my baby, tears of gratitude for the ability to handle the insanity that came with my hormonal imbalance and tears of joy for having had the opportunity to carry life within me, even if only for a little while.
As I ran I realized I had a choice. I could wallow in sadness for what didn’t come to fruition or I could celebrate with joy the fact that I get to experience the fullness of life. Carrying and losing life, feeling deep joy and sorrow and knowing that it is the whole of our experiences that makes our life well lived. And while I still mourn the loss of a dream, I welcome the blessings that I know will inevitably come from my loss.
If nothing else, this experience has reinforced my connection to spirit. By surrendering to what is rather than holding on to what I wanted to be, I’ve gained new insights and reinforced my belief that all is just as it should be.
I’ve learned that loss brings renewal, my daily self care practice saved me and that how I show up in the world does in fact make a difference. Most importantly I am reminded that no matter what life throws my way, I am equipped with the tools to weather any storm.
If you are experiencing loss, know that you are not alone. That it will get easier and that it is ok to be gentle with yourself. Loss doesn’t just have to mean the end of something, it can also mean the beginning of something even brighter…..
Article written by our Community Womanager, Martine Stefanovic
No matter who you are or what you do, inspiration is a powerful tool. When used correctly, it can help you achieve great things in both your personal and professional life. So how can you go about leveraging inspiration in business? Keep reading to find out.
The Power of Inspiration and Your Business:
Some people believe that inspiration is an internal force. While others think it comes from the outside, inspiration is an internal force. Only you can inspire you. However you harness this power for your business will depend on what kind of person you are developing into currently. If you are looking to become more passionate about your business, seek inspiration.
The inspiration could be an action too. Whether it’s thinking, speaking, or listening. Inspiration is a form of energy. Utilize each day to inspire as well as be inspired. There’s nothing wrong with taking a step back to seek inspiration. How are you building relationships with positive people?
Inspiration is an important element of any business. You must learn how to stay positive, protect your energy, and much more! Businesses have leveraged the power of inspiration in order to grow their brands with success stories that will inspire their clients and online community. Use the power of conversation to inspire.
There are many ways you can utilize the power of inspiration in your business today.
One way is by inspiring the ideal clients that will invest with you. If you want an investment in your business, learn how to inspire your clients and online community. This means taking the time to understand how your clients think or act. Understand your clients will become brand advocates if you continue to inspire them.
Your business can become a source of inspiration when you are focused. Start to have a deep investment in your passion to develop a purpose in your business. Take an in-depth interest in what it takes to inspire your community. Let inspiration aid in the success that we strive for as entrepreneurs.
Inspire yourself through any adversity. When your clients feel like they matter, they will invest in you. Give your clients and online community a direct call to action toward achieving success. Inspiration starts with getting 1% better each day no matter how challenging things may seem right now.
As an woman in business, it’s important to stay inspired in order to get the results you desire. Inspiration can come from a variety of sources, both within and outside of your industry. By harnessing inspiration for your business, you can create new and innovative products or services that will set you apart from the competition.
The benefits of power of inspiration in business are far and wide. It’s important to start incorporating inspiration into your daily routine today. If you need help getting started, there are plenty of resources available to you in the LBI Backstage Pass. Think about how you can stay inspired today!
I usually toggle between being super inspired and feeling wildly anxious. This could be just my general make up of optimism when it clashes with realism or maaaaaybe it’s just another manic Monday! In either case, after a full week away from technology and ‘work’, I’ve emerged more inspired by….myself. Can I even say that? Is that selfish, ladyboss? YES! I can say that because a) it’s true and b) we are doing things differently here at LBI!!
I do tend to see the world as very malleable, adventurous even in its challenges and I often maneuver easily into creative solutions whilst simultaneously noticing how chaotic our ‘systems’ can be for those of us women in business who really want to see the world change. And lately, I have even inspired myself in being able to maintain this outlook amidst a lot of setbacks.
If you’re in business for yourself, you know success is not a straight line and can feel downright evasive at times. Another call for finding safe spaces that truly feel collaborative, elevate us as natural leaders and leave us feeling inspired to continue doing business differently. ( Have you been Backstage , yet??) And how can we be inspired outwardly if we aren’t totally inspired by ourselves anyways??
Inspiration can be found everywhere…blah blah blah!!
“Take a look outside your window!’ ‘Stop and smell the flowers!!” – they say.
“Look up from your smartphone and be in the now.” – they also say. And sure, yes all these little life hacks can be great, tiny suggestions to experience the grand world around us as inspiration instead of chaotic. AND I’ve very recently discovered that in order to really remain inspired and not allow for anxiety to take control of the unknowns of my day to day in running an online business that is now emerging again into the real world, I have to slow down tremendously.
The old way of doing business was to grind hard,faster, stronger and longer. To essentially burn ourselves out for the ultimate goal of ….what exactly?
If I am to remain inspired in my life; both personally and professionally, then I want to actually enjoy the process of where and how I spend my time. If I am to be actively engaged in making inspired choices, I need to then take stock in how I spend my energy, with whom and for what purpose.
If the last two years on this planet have taught me anything, it’s that I am a powerful resource for this world and it needs me. AND I also must have this daily inspiration surging through me as I build better ways of doing business with women globally. It’s imperative actually and I implore you to make the same inspired choices for yourself in how you show up to work, in your personal life and shoot, even at the grocery store.
What if each of slowed down just 5% so we could care 5% more about something we want to care about instead of what we think we should care about!?
That week away was good for many reasons and quite honestly somewhat unplanned or rather outside of what I thought our schedule was to be. My inspiration meter was running on fumes and I needed a reset. PERIOD. And here I am reporting back with inspo for myself, our collective platform that supports more badass women to show up in their business authentically so that we can change the world and for the crazy, chaotic world we are living in.
If I don’t tend to my inspiration like a freshly sprouted plant or like one that has outgrown it’s original container, then what kind of garden am I growing? Am I living within?
For the record, in the past I had made some time to stop and smell the flowers but often I am doing that whilst simultaneously replying to a message on Slack, sharing production notes, reviewing a run of show for a huge online event we are hosting or other sort of ‘multi tasking’ hack!! But that’s not being honest to inspiration or fully open to those subtle miracles that happen every minute we are busy grinding. That’s performance inspiration that makes us think we are slowing down but aren’t truly engaging in the stunning world around us.
I am absolutely a work in progress and this bit of slowing down, so that inspiration can find me, is relatively new for me. I’d come from the patriarchy camp of the busier you are, the more inspired you can be, could be, even should be! But now I am actually beginning to see the joys of slow living.
I can still do business with purpose and even swiftly, at times, but I now much prefer the occasion to enjoy my precious time on earth and hopefully serve as inspiration to others as we collaborate, elevate and inspire each other as frequently as possible.
How often are you slowing down to let inspiration find you? Sound off in the comments!
To understand the significance of mindset and its impact on your life, you must first understand what mindset is and how it influences your decision-making. Simply stated, mindset is the combination of your beliefs, your way-of-thinking, and the way you perceive the world and the people around you. The culmination of these things is what establishes your personal mindset, and the view you cultivate based upon those things will profoundly impact your life and how you make decisions.
The way you think dictates the way you feel. The way you feel impacts how you take actions. The only way to generate the life you want is through taking the necessary actions needed to achieve the results you desire. Therefore it is easily assessed that your mindset can make or break your chances of success.
Carol S. Dweck, Ph. D holder and renowned author, wrote a book called Mindset the New Psychology of Success that is entirely about 2 specific mindsets that people possess. Every person has bits of both, but one is always more prominent than the other. She defines one type as “closed,” where the person believes traits as well as human characters and other qualities are fixed. (i.e., people are gifted and adept to particular skillsets or they aren’t) The other mindset is defined as “open;” their belief opposing the other – believing that you can develop skillset and personality traits.
Can you guess which mindset tends to feel victimized by their circumstances? It’s the same one that often shies away from risk-taking because they seek validation and don’t want to risk failure. The way others perceive them can cause them great distress, because they work hard to prove themselves to others.
If you guessed closed, you are correct.
A closed mind will rarely be open to take the risks needed to carve out their own path. A closed mind will rarely accept advice that is contrary to their personal beliefs, even if it’s the exact advice they need to propel their life in the direction of their choosing. The mentality “don’t fix it if it t isn’t broken,” or variants of that saying, often lead their decision making.
An open mind, however, rarely views failure as failure. They look at it as a steppingstone – it’s a lesson learned and a precursor to when they will succeed. This makes it easier to be open to the opportunities presented. They are able to lean into the discomfort of change and the unknown in order to reach new developmental heights.
Which mentality do you think you showcase the most in your life?
Do you wait for opportunity to knock? Do you need it to relentlessly pound on the door nearly knocking it off of its hinges to take advantage of it? Do you play it safe? Have you grown complacent for comfort?
Do you grasp an opportunity and take a chance? Do you put faith in yourself that you can achieve something you’ve never done before?
No matter the answer, the important thing to know is this – Shifting your mindset doesn’t necessarily take a lot of effort but it does take intention.
We have nearly a life-long ability to continue learning, growing, and improving ourselves. Though we might have times in our lives where we feel stagnant or stuck, this fact allows us the fortunate opportunity to not remain cemented in place. It provides an ongoing path that can move us forward in whichever direction we desire, we just have to embrace it properly.
Your mindset can aid you in manifesting the life you’ve always dreamed of, or it can keep you from reaching your full potential. THAT is its power. It isn’t a buzzword I use – it is a skillset that I advocate for and continuously try to improve within myself and for my clients. Mindset is the key to manifesting a life where you can feel fulfilled and happy…and who doesn’t want that?
Hi! I’m Christelle! I’m a multi-passion multi-business owner. At the core of every business I run you will find one common factor – a desire to make people love themselves and their lives more.
My sister and I are business partners at Small L.E.A.P.S. Health & Fitness Coaching and being women in business pose its own set of challenges, let alone, building an online business during a pandemic. One of the biggest obstacles we have had to face is our own negative self-talk. So often we are our own worst enemies because our brains focus on the negatives. With so many added obstacles as women in business, it is important to give ourselves compassion.
During primal times, it was important to our survival to have a healthy dose of anxiety and a focus on the negative ‘what ifs’ as a way to protect us from real and perceived threats. So, it makes sense that now our minds and inner dialogue often instinctually move more to the negative side as our brain is still trying to protect us. However, now-a-days we do not always have to focus on the threats or negative thoughts-we are not being chased by bears or lions daily! Many people experience this kind of automatic negative thoughts on a daily basis. When these thoughts begin to interfere with our happiness, business and day to day life it may be helpful to change those thoughts. The great news is that you have the ability to shift your negative thoughts and incorporate more kindness into your life.
At Small L.E.A.P.S. we have a few strategies we use on a regular basis to build our self compassion and to move away from the negative thoughts that hurt us.
Curiosity vs Judgement
Judgements are often assumptions and not truths, yet they can hold a strong power over us. When you constantly live in a space of judgement you might tell yourself you are “not good enough”, “are worthless” or other harsh self-condemning and self-deprecating statements. When we use harsh judgements towards ourselves it can lead to consistent negativity, low self-esteem and self-worth. It can also lead to anxiety, irritability, anger, feelings of shame, guilt, frustration, all-or-nothing thinking, and feelings of discontent. Overall, it can negatively impact motivation and lower self-love.
Reframing your thoughts is a powerful tool to become more kind to yourself. Coming from a stance of curiosity versus judgement can help you move forward in an empowered way.
Shifting to a curious mindset can help move you to becoming more patient, and understanding. You will develop more empathy, a deeper sense of inner peace/freedom, and self-acceptance. Developing self-compassion and compassion towards others, it can lead to more happiness in your life, and can lessen the negative impacts of your inner critic.
Curiosity does not make assumptions, it doesn’t label things as good or bad, and it listens. When you step into curiosity you are able to observe & reflect. This reflection is to help you learn, identify patterns and move forward; it allows more mindfulness into your life.
To be more curious ask yourself:
What led to this?
Is it a pattern?
What can I learn from this?
Where do I go from here? What is in my control to change, what is outside of my control?
Ask why or why not?
Shifting Negative Thoughts
Thoughts only have the power that you give them. Know that it is possible to move towards a more empowering mindset.
When shifting negative thoughts to be more compassionate and kinder, remember to Stop, Observe, Investigate & Swap!
Stop– Take a moment to reflect.
Observe– What is the situation you are in? How do you feel?
Investigate– Is the negative thought true? Is it something you truly believe to be 100% true? If not, what makes this untrue?
Swap– Write out a compassionate statement that is empowering. If you struggle with compassionate statements towards yourself, take a moment and pretend your best friend or loved one is in this exact situation. What would you say to them that is compassionate?
Create a Self-Care List
Self-care can be defined as: ‘a deliberate and mindful act of acknowledging the need for purposeful self-directed health’. People often find self-care activities to be self-healing, relaxing, mindful and enjoyable. Performing self-care activities is beneficial for not only your physical but also your mental health. When there is a lack of self-care there is a higher risk of increased stress levels and challenges with effective coping. By creating and using a self-care list it can help you identify what your needs are and how to nurture them.
Creating your own self-care list will give you a variety of ways to nourish your mind, body and soul. Remember these self-care actions don’t have to be extravagant, costly, or take up loads of your time and can be flexible.
Self-care examples you could put on your own list are:
Diaphragmatic deep breathing
Learn to say “no”
5 minutes for personal reflection/writing
Meditation
Physical movement
Allowing yourself rest
As women in business, we face so many challenges! We need to provide compassion & empower ourselves. When you have a hard day or find it difficult balancing home life with work, it is important to remember you are human, you make mistakes, you deserve compassion. It is so easy to fall into the trap of negative thinking but by approaching these thoughts with curiosity instead of judgement, actively working to shift your negative thoughts, and creating a self-care list you will be taking the first steps to developing a more self-compassionate mind set. You can do this!
If you would like to learn more about developing a compassionate mind set or banishing negative self-talk, then join our free private Facebook group: Small L.E.A.P.S. Towards Lasting Lifestyle Change! We look forward to seeing you there!
Lindsay is a certified health/life coach with Small L.E.A.P.S. Health & Fitness Coaching and has worked in the health & wellness industry for over a decade. She is a mom of two and is passionate about supporting people on their journey to connect with mind, body & food to feel more confident, compassionate & live a life they love.
All Ladybosses have encountered challenging situations with angry customers, irate clients, insubordinate employees, and hostile colleagues. Let’s admit – all of us on our bad days can be difficult people and require compassionate treatment to bring us back to our best, calm, level-headed selves. When we are on the receiving end of someone else’s bad day or difficult moment, what tools can we use to deescalate conflict, establish our boundaries, and assist others to recalibrate back to their best, calm, level-headed selves?
Here are some well designed and tested strategies and tactics I must share with you that you can use during your next difficult encounter. Start practicing these now and turn yourself into a Lady Boss Ninja with judo communication tactics added to your war chest!
The first strategy is to pay close attention to body language as your first source of power during a confrontation or tense situation, even if the perpetrator is merely exuding verbal or non-verbal hostility. Stand tall and straight and make yourself physically bigger by holding your head high, shoulders back and arms and legs “unlady-like” wide and open. Facial expressions should be relaxed, focused, and neutral. Unclench your jaw and unfurrow your brow. Exude Zen, presence, confidence and empathetic concern in your body language and eye contact. These responses are antithetical to what is anticipated from a victim cowering in fear or one fearful of attack by closing down, shrinking, or reactively escalating a conflict.
When feeling the danger, toxicity or aggression coming from another human being, become aware of your physical responses, including your heart rate, breath, blood flow and any other embodied reactions. Embody your higher, calmer inner self by tapping into what works for you during these times. This might entail counting to ten backwards, noticing physical structures and touching what is available to you to bring you back to physicality, or intentionally taking in long breaths and taking twice as long to exhale. Maybe an image comes to mind or a mantra or prayer.
Before responding, you must be physically present, embodied and grounded in your true and higher self. You must feel authentic and safe, empathetic, and solid in your body, and able to enforce your boundaries while exuding positive, safe, grounded energy.
Observations
Once you are fully present physically in your body and effectively expressing yourself and your intentions non-verbally, you can then begin executing your verbal response. At this stage, follow these steps from non-violent communication strategies.
Begin with sharing your observations of the situation and what has transpired. Stick to the objective facts, and not your interpretation, judgement, or how the transactions impacted you or others. Avoid labels. Use paraphrasing. Be empathetic and present. For example, if someone said to you “I have tried, but I cannot find a single woman or person of color that is qualified for this position”, your response should be something like:
I hear you saying that you are experiencing challenges in finding your ideal candidate that fits your diversity goals. Tell me more. What have your strategies been? How can I assist you in the process? There are so many amazing women and BIPOC candidates that I or my network can connect you with. You’ve got this!
Feelings
The next stage in non-violent communication after expressing your objective observations is to express your feelings. This expression should be fully embodied and authentic, but non-judgmental and not structured in a way that would be too easily interpreted as critical or attacking. Come from a place of authentic connection, sharing and common ground. For example—continuing with the above scenario, say this:
I feel your frustration with wanting to do the right thing and struggling with how to do so. I want to share with you I have been in a similar situation, and not knowing what to do, despite wanting to do the right thing. I’m confident the tools I have to offer will get you to a better place and these promise a better path to success in achieving your goals of diversifying your team.
Needs
All feelings have an underlying need(s) associated with them. Being able to express needs is the next step in non-violent communication. Keeping with the same example, here is how you state your needs:
We all have a need to feel like we belong and are included and welcome. To flourish, I needto know that the opportunities available to me are based upon my potential capacity to contribute to the organization. By moving forward on the path of inclusion at your organization, you are opening the door to all varieties of people to add value to your goals.
Requests
For people that struggle with asking for what they need and want with assertiveness, the last step in nonviolent communications can be the hardest. But it is critically important to close the loop. Ask for what you need and want with conviction, authenticity and faith that you will receive. Here is an example of how to ask for what you want:
To further you along on your goals to be inclusive and diverse, I ask that you make a clear commitment to moving the needle. I can help you to formulate the announcement as well as assisting to set up metrics and accountability measures to make sure it happens. I am so excited to help you along the path by serving the team. Our next step is to set up the schedule and get all the stakeholders on board. Let’s do that now.
It’s not always easy to be a Ladyboss, but you can make it through these challenging situations. Arming yourself with the proper tools and strategies can help you to stay calm and in control when things get tough. How do you usually respond to difficult conversations or confrontations? Let us know in the comments!
As a woman in business, you likely face unique challenges and hurdles that your male counterparts don’t. It can be tough to maintain your confidence and stay motivated when the going gets tough. That’s why it’s important to find inspiration in others, whether it comes from other successful women entrepreneurs or motivational quotes.
Leadership quotes to inspire women in business from women who lead:
“Leadership is the ability to guide others without force into a direction or decision that leaves them still feeling empowered and accomplished.” – Lisa Cash Hanson
“The ability to learn is the most important quality a leader can have.” – Padmasree Warrior
“Leadership is not about necessarily being the loudest in the room, but instead being the bridge, or the thing that is missing in the discussion and trying to build a consensus from there.” – Jacinda Ardern
“Ninety percent of leadership is the ability to communicate something people want.” – Dianne Feinstein
“Leadership is turning problems into opportunities. It’s showing up for yourself and your people every day. Choosing to pursue your passion and using your talents to enhance other people’s overall experience.” – Jess Parker
“Part of leadership is knowing when to go ahead with a decision that’s within your authority because you’re really convinced it’s the right thing, even if other people don’t understand it at that point.” – Dr. Ingrid Mattson
“A leader takes people where they want to go. A great leader takes people where they don’t necessarily want to go, but ought to be.” – Rosalynn Carter
“Leadership is not a person or a position. It is a complex moral relationship between people based on trust, obligation, commitment, emotion, and a shared vision of the good.” – Joanne Ciulla
“Leadership is hard to define, and good leadership even harder. But if you can get people to follow you to the ends of the earth, you are a great leader.” – Indra Nooyi
“To me Leadership is a position of honor and stands as a source of influence, whose ripple effect has the potential to go far and wide. Leadership is a game of dominoes and you must take sustained responsibility for your actions, behaviors, guidance, counsel and stewardship.” – Crystal Rae
“Leadership is about making others better as a result of your presence, and making sure that impact lasts in your absence.” – Sheryl Sandberg
“A good leader is able to paint a picture of a vision for the future and then enlist others to go on the journey with her. A truly conscious leader recognizes that it is not about her, but that the team is looking to her for inspiration and direction. Keeping her ego in check is essential.” – Tamra Ryan
“For me, leadership is making a difference. It’s using your agency to bring about change.” -Melanie Verveer
“Leadership is about the team – the culture they keep and embrace, it’s about empathy for your customers, clients, employees and the communities where you do business, it’s about doing the right thing for the right reasons, being confident enough to take risks and responsible enough to think of those who your decisions and risks may affect.” – Kat Cole
“It is imperative that women take centerstage in leadership so that we can build better ways of existing on this planet!” – Rose Kaz, LBI Backstage Pass Founder
“Leadership should be born out of the understanding of the needs of those who would be affected by it” – Marian Anderson
“If your actions create a legacy that inspires others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, then, you are an excellent leader.” – Dolly Parton
“The fastest surging woman leadership position is heading non-profit organizations. Women are not rejecting leadership positions — they’re rejecting politics.” – Celinda Lake
“Women in leadership roles can help restore balance and wholeness to our communities.” – Wilma Mankiller
“Leadership is hard to define and good leadership even harder. But if you can get people to follow you to the ends of the earth, you are a great leader.” – Indra Nooyi
“Women are leaders everywhere you go, from the CEO who runs a Fortune 500 company to the housewife who raises her children and heads her household. Our country was built by strong women, and we will continue to breakdown walls and defy stereotypes.” – Nanci Pelosi
“One of the most important things for any leader is to never let anyone else define who you are. And you define who you are. I never think of myself as being a woman CEO of this company. I think of myself as a steward of a great institution.” – Ginni Rometty
“Leadership is influence. It’s not about being in charge, it’s about having an impact.” – Jennie Mustafa-Julock
“You have to look at leadership through the eyes of the followers and you have to live the message. What I have learned is that people become motivated when you guide them to the source of their own power, and when you make heroes out of employees who personify what you see in the organization.” – Anita Roddick
We hope the words of these strong, dedicated, and impactful women will motivate you to step into your power among the ranks of women who lead in this world!
Having been a leader of people for more than 24 years now, I can say that to inspire a team means achieving success rather than facing failure. It means creating a culture of engaged and passionate people working to bring your vision to life rather than people just showing up and doing the bare minimum just for a paycheck.
Leaders who inspire create a culture that unifies, empowers and elevates their people, effects positive change within the community they do business and realize a success unparalleled to their competition. And while I know all this to be true now, there was a time when inspiring anyone, including myself was the last thing on my mind.
Stumbling into leadership at the young age of 17, inspiring people was the last thing on my mind when taking on the role of leader. At the time failure was not an option and so it was with this thinking that I found myself leading with an iron fist. Having no real knowledge of how to lead, I held my team and myself accountable for achieving unrealistic expectations and used fear as motivation to get the job done. While I achieved results, it came at a cost. The mental health and well being of myself and the people I led. I created a culture of yes people rather than creative thinkers who were empowered and could propel the business to new heights.
Despite meeting all measurable goals, I knew something had to change. I was tired of being tired all the time. Tired of having a team that I knew feared me and only did as I asked so that they would not lose their job. I was tired of seeing the look into one of my employees eyes and saw fear when they made a mistake, worried they would be reprimanded. Really I was just tired of working with people who I knew had big hearts and amazing stories but who would not share with me because they didn’t trust me.
I knew that in order for things to change, I had to change and because I was tired, that is just what I did.
While it took me more than 10 years to fully move from fear based leading to leading with the lens of empowerment, I eventually became the leader I strived to be and soon found that I was achieving far greater success.
It was my constant pursuit of excellence for both myself and my people, owning my mistakes and sharing key learnings with my teams and constantly learning new ways of leading that created environments where people not only thrived but strived to do the best job they could for the betterment of the whole team and company. Now that’s what I call inspired action.
15 years into leading I became known for building cultures that achieved results through inspired action, inclusion, empowerment, collaboration and compassion, making me highly sought after to take on more challenging leadership roles. I soon found myself in a position that would require me to inspire other leaders to lead through the same lens of compassion and empowerment. Not an easy feat given many of the leaders I would be overseeing were young and just as naïve about leading a team as I was when I first started out.
Having failed so miserably as a young leader, I was determined to see the next generation of leaders do it differently, do it better. Do it inspired. And so it is that I spent the rest of my leadership days, encouraging and nurturing leaders, teaching them to lead by example, listen with their heart as well as their head and to never forget that words can be used to uplift or tear down.
My hope is that each of my leaders always chooses to lift others higher.
Truth be told, I’m not one who struggles with regret. I truly believe that everything happens as it should so that we can learn the lessons meant for us. This said, the years spent leading through fear aren’t my proudest moments. Despite this, I know that I would not be the leader and entrepreneur that I am today had I not stumbled so badly in the beginning of my career.
My failure pushed me to do better, be better and in doing so taught my team to do the same. As I look back on my careers I know it is because of my unwavering commitment to always do it better that affected the most change and taught me to be an inspired leader.
There is no question that women are powerful and can be great leaders. However, many times women don’t take on leadership roles because they feel they aren’t qualified or they don’t feel confident in their abilities. What we need to remember is that when women step up and take on leadership positions, they inspire others to do the same.
Women who lead show other women that it is possible to achieve anything they want, regardless of their gender. Leadership means different things to different people, but one thing is for sure – when women take on leadership roles, the whole world benefits!
This month we’re going to be talking all about how we as women can inspire others, our communities and even ourselves when we step up our leadership game – whether it’s in our business, our community, or even in politics – the wisdom, insight and skills we bring to the table make us uniquely qualified for positions of leadership. Over the next few weeks we’ll explore what it means to be a woman in a position of authority and how to use our voice and platform to make a difference as leaders.
First, we wanted to start this conversation with some insights from our community! We asked the members of the LBI Backstage Pass and other women in business we know what leadership is to them. Here’s what they had to say
As a entrepreneur or business owner, leadership is…
“…when we show up as our authentic self, go against the grain with unwavering fortitude and hold true to our values no matter the cost that we inspire. To lead without conviction is futile. To lead through the lens of passion and love changes the world!”
Authenticity and understanding our own values on a deep level are essential for leadership. When we can hold true to these values and live them out in our lives, we inspire others to do the same.
“…showing up every day and inspiring those around you to do the same.”
Consistency is a key element when it comes to leadership. The ability to inspire others, from the top down, to show up, even when there are challenges or obstacles is definitely one of the hallmarks of a strong leader.
“… about being vulnerable. Leadership is about providing a safe place that nurtures a sense of belonging and where folks feel seen, heard, and respected.”
We couldn’t agree with this more! One of the core ways we lead the community inside the LBI Backstage Pass is by fostering a place of safe belonging, where women from all walks of life can be their most authentic selves and find support and inspiration. This is only possible when we lead from a place of openness, active listening, empathy and kindness.
“…the ability to make others feel important (or empowered).”
We love this definition because it’s absolutely true! One of the things we believe makes up great leadership, especially in a community like ours is active listening. When you actively listen to someone, you not only show them that you care about what they have to say, but you also gain valuable insights into their thoughts and feelings. This makes others feel like they matter and empowers them to do the same for others.
“… the ability to inspire others towards a common goal while simultaneously growing, developing, and empowering yourself. Leaders are always learning, pushing their own limits and upping their game, while they empower others to do the same.”
The greatest leaders lead themselves first! This is so important, because if we’re not actively growing and developing ourselves, then how can we be truly effective leaders? Leaders who are constantly learning and pushing themselves to grow inspire others to do the same.
Women in leadership roles have the ability to inspire other women and girls to take on positions of authority and leadership. What does this mean for our community? When more women step into leadership positions, we can create a ripple effect that inspires others to do the same. We need more female leaders in business, politics, science, and every other field so that future generations can see what is possible when they grow up.
We’ve loved sharing these insights on leadership that inspires from our community. Now it’s your turn! What does leadership mean to you as a woman in business? Let us know in the comments below!
As Evelyn stared out the window cupping her hot coco in her cold hands, she was lost for words. The cursor on her computer screen was flashing non-stop. I have nothing but a title on a blank page. Evelyn thought.
“You finished yet? We need that report, Miss Oaks”. Evelyn rolled her eyes with disgust at the sight of Mr Conners. He was the definition of cutthroat if it had a nerdy brother and doesn’t bully but belittles at every chance he gets.
“It’s keeping my hands warm Joel. Besides you have no place or business asking me for a report that has nothing to do with your department for that matter”. Evelyn exclaimed. Evelyn knew that standing up to this man was a risk, more so now than the holiday bonus was coming up but someone had to do it.
“Ahh miss Oaks, I’m glad I’ve caught you. Your piece about Christmas fashions over the years is something I’d like to merge with Joel’s idea on the spirit of Christmas. Oh, and instead of Fashion, how about inspirational stories or what inspires people to celebrate Christmas. That sort of thing”. Collin Roberts said as he stood there with a hot cup of Joe.
“WHAT!” Evelyn Yelled.
“Oh, splendid sir, thank you so much. I’m always looking for new people to collaborate with”. Joel continued.
“I’m so glad you enjoyed my Christmas spirit piece. I promise you; you won’t regret it and we’ll work around the clock if we must.” Joel replied.
If he smiled any harder, he’ll be the brand ambassador for the Cheshire Cat. Evelyn wondered.
“The hell we will” Evelyn mumbled.
“Collin come on, there isn’t any way, I’m working around the clock on this. It’s the holidays”. Evelyn responded standing there crossing her arms like a 5-year-old brat that’s just been told no for the first time in her precious life.
“Besides, Evelyn said. Everyone knows I work best on my own anyway”.
“And that’s the problem Evelyn, you’re a lone wolf with no people skills”. Colin replied
“Excuse me” Evelyn said sarcastically. Colin looked like Evelyn as if he was expecting a different reaction.
“If someone gets too close, you immediately cut them off with no warning. Collin yelled.
Time stood still, almost frozen in that moment. Shock of horror and fear filled Evelyn and her co-workers’ faces. It was obvious to Evelyn that he was referring to last Summer.
“Look Evelyn. You got to learn how to work with people. Nobody goes through life alone. We all have someone there to help us or guide us in one direction or another”. Collin threw his coat over his arms and walked away. Though for Evelyn, it was more like he was sprinting to avoid her spicy hot backchat at 10 in the morning. Though to be fair to him, Evelyn knew the delivery of her words would feel like fire and thunder wrapped up in one.
“Collin don’t walk away from this. We’re not done yet.” Evelyn shouted.
As Collin stood in the hallway, he opened his office door and responded with only three Evelyn thought she’d never hear.
“Yes, we are!” Collin said.
Evelyn stood there stunned. She felt her entire world collapsing with her in it. She could have sent in a shit show of a draft, and he still wouldn’t care. “Right then!” Joel said as he rubbed his hands together with glee. “Where shall we start Miss Oaks? I got a few ideas”. Joel asked.
He grabbed Evelyn’s chair and sat down. Evelyn looked at him in a way that questioned his whole entire decisions in life. “Er excuse you? Evelyn asked, that’s MY chair!” Ignoring Evelyn, Joel continued. “See with you research…I presume you did some research”.
“Are you really questioning me?” Evelyn asked? “What kind of Editor-in-Chief do you think I am Joel?”
Evelyn walked out and right there in that moment she knew she had made the biggest mistake. But Evelyn wasn’t one to back down.
As Evelyn arrived at her front door, she thought about Collin’s words. Still ringing from the day before. Collin was Evelyn’s rival at everything, never mind him being her boss. To Evelyn, he was the worst person that could she lay her eyes on.
Evelyn entered and sat by the fire. She pulled out her notepad and pen from the mini desk drawer besides her and began tapping on it like it was a musical number. Her Pomeranian dog strolled in carrying a Door wreath in its mouth and dropped it by Evelyn’s feet.
“Not today, Terrance, Mama’s got a new assignment to do. Looks like, we’re going old school.” Evelyn said sweetly as she stroked her dog.
“What is Christmas? No. Too cliché.” Evelyn tore the page, crushed it up and threw it at the trashcan.
“Write from the heart”. A voice in the hallway replied softly.
“Hello? Who’s there?” Evelyn asked. She got up from her comfy armchair and began looking around the living room. Anyone who knows Evelyn personally would see that she’s always been a curious soul. She’ll even walk right into danger if she could, just to see what’s going on.
A ghostly presence appeared by Evelyn’s barely anything there Christmas Tree. Terrance saw the ghost and began wagging his tail furiously and his barking became increasingly loud.
“Terrance…Terrance what is it boy? There’s nothing there” Evelyn said.
“Hello dear”. The voice of a woman was starting to sound familiar to Evelyn.
“Aunt Rose?” Evelyn asked. Suddenly, the ghostly presence revealed a pale woman with Copper Auburn hair wearing a white gown. Aunt Rose was always an angel in Evelyn’s eyes and whenever she was down or needed her the most, Aunt Rose would just show up out the blue like a Christmas Miracle.
“Hey Baby, I heard your heart cry.” Aunt Rose said with her sweet Tennessee tones.
“So, what are you working on Evie?” Aunt Rose asked grabbing Evelyn’s notepad.
“None of ya business. God your so nosey!” Evelyn replied as she snatched her notepad from Aunt rose’s hand.
Just then, the doorbell rang.
“Expecting company?” Aunt Rose asked.
Evelyn gave Aunt Rose the dreaded eye roll knowing full well that she was not a person to be messed with, let alone give her any kind of attitude.
Evelyn opened the door to see but the level of shock written on Evelyn’s face was unbearable. Even for Aunt Rose.
“Hey. You erm. Left this back at the office”. Joel said “I figured, you might need it to jot down any ideas or drawings for this article.
“My iPad. Thanks a lot” Evelyn answered.
“Don’t just stand there love. Let him in.” Aunt Rose replied
As Evelyn let Joel in, he couldn’t help but notice the homely feel and of the place.
“Smells just like my grandmama’s house. Is that candy canes?” Joel shrieked in excitement as he ran towards Evelyn’s Christmas tree. “Gosh, I haven’t had one of these since I was 8”.
“Tastes just like home.”
“Why don’t you tell me about that. Christmas at your grandma’s place.” Said Evelyn.
“Well… It was nice”. Joel smiled. It beamed so bright that you could use his smile as a Christmas light.
“There was lots of food. Mac and Cheese, Truffle and garlic butter potatoes and mash, and oh the honey roast parsnips and honey BBQ turkey”. “It was warm and plenty of laughs. I miss that” Joel said. His sad face was not for the faint hearted
“Evelyn dear, sit next to him, get to know him better…Work with him”. Aunt Rose yelled.
Though she was still a ghostly presence unknown to Joel, her words continued to ring loud and clear in Evelyn’s ear. For Evelyn figured she could use this time to see why his so bitter and cold. Not to mention a Calculating backstabbing you know what.
Evelyn began jotting notes on her iPad, she wasn’t very traditional with the pen and paper anyway.
Warm, Family, Love? Evelyn wrote. The words flowing on the page like a godly river. Evelyn noticed Joel shedding a tear as he stared into the abyss which at first glance looked as if he was staring at either the Christmas tree or her Aunt Rose. By this point, Evelyn just couldn’t tell what was real anymore.
“Well, the assignment is…”
“… The real meaning of Christmas and the inspirations behind it”. Joel said finishing Evelyn’s sentence. “So, it’s only fair Evelyn, to know… since I shared my experience what’s yours?” Joel asked.
Fear took over and so did the time. Both escaping her, one breath at a time.
“Which one do you want to spill first? Aunt Rose questioned Evelyn as if she was on trial. “The breakup or my death?”.
“Christmas is a complicated subject”. Evelyn replied.
“Complicated?” Aunt rose scoffed “More like sore. That break up with Darren was a lot more painful than my periods and to be frank, I like Michael buble’ just like everyone else. But hunny, you play him enough times and he starts to irritate me”.
“The fact is Joel, I hate Christmas. It’s fast approaching, and it sucks”. Evelyn yelled. She didn’t feel like celebrating this year. Why should she? Evelyn thought. She turned to her Aunt Rose for the desperate advice she clearly needed.
“There’s no use looking at me kid. I died on Thanksgiving, and it was a wonderful way to go. I was happy and there was so much love in the room”. Aunt Rose said joyfully.
“You got to let me go Eve, you’ll be a lot happier and not to mention free. Don’t you want to be happy?” Aunt Rose asked.
Evelyn knew what she had to do, for the assignment was about inspiration and for her, Aunt Rose was just that. Not just for her but for the community. She kept going despite hard times and despite the grief and the troubles and the turmoil. She never gave up. Christmas was always a constant reminder to Evelyn to keep going in life and to always run never walk towards her dreams.
To everyone’s surprise, Evelyn’s favourite Pomeranian dog Dodger runs into the living room with a Christmas wreath in its mouth. He drops the wreath at Joel’s feet.
The room has an unspoken bond between Joel and Dodger, leaving Evelyn feeling slightly uneasy.
“Dodger not now! Can’t you see I’m working”. Evelyn yells. His puppy dog eyes fills the room with emotions so raw.
“It’s okay, I think his just curious. I was once curious when I was young”. Joel said with such enthusiasm.
“Aren’t you curious always? You seem to be in everybody’s business at work. Roaming the hallways with your opinions. Well…Newsflash Joel! Nobody cares about your opinions. You just need to stop being so damn nosey all the time”. Evelyn continued. “I hate to break it to you Joel, but people don’t like you! Your too cutthroat in this industry and you always have something to say. Yet no-one’s seen your work. Where’s your work Joel? Why don’t you show us your work once in a while so we can give you a taste of your own medicine and offer up some of our own opinions and see how you like it”. Evelyn shouted.
Seeing Joel cry gave Evelyn a whole new perspective on this man. It was scary but at the same time, kind of awkward to watch. Some may even say painful to watch a grown man like Joel cry like a blubbering 5-year-old. But in the midst of it all deep down, it was beautiful to watch. Not because the guy had it coming, but because as her therapist would say, he was finally breaking through those barriers, and he was healing.
Evelyn ran to the kitchen to take deep breaths. She had just made her bosses favourite employee cry. She took the entire napkins from the cupboard and uttered the words she hated the most. “I’m sorry!” She said.
“I know you probably don’t like me Evelyn, I get it. I’ve been mean to you ever since you started. Trying to undermine you and your ideas at every turn but I just want you to know that you inspire me. You always have, right from your first article”. Joel responded.
He proceeded to continue. “You were in the beauty department and when you wrote that article about finding the inner you, it was so good, so in depth and so meaningful that I couldn’t put it down…Everyone loved you and I couldn’t understand why”.
“I mean your piece was good but a little cliché. But I guess you were the new girl, the one bringing the fresh ideas. Claire thought you’d get that senior position, a seat at the big boys club”. Joel said as he shuffled in his seat.
The level of shock on Aunt Rose’s face could never match that of Evelyn’s.
“Well, I never”. Aunt Rose proclaimed.
Dodger had a way of breaking tension in any room, just ask Aunt Rose what happened in the year of 1996. He might have been a pup back then, but he sure was mighty.
Dodger nudged Evelyn’s leg and barked at her like he was demanding for attention. As if his cuteness didn’t get him enough of that already.
“What is it Dodger? Stop that!” Evelyn yelled at dodger like she was a second-hand banshee in Prada.
“Don’t look at me like that Dodger or you Joel, What’s the point of Christmas now that my Family is stuck in New Zealand and my boyfriend dumped me on last year on Christmas Eve. And don’t even get me started using Zoom on Christmas day”. Evelyn shouted.
Her words echoed through to Aunt Rose and Joel’s mind. Each hunched over like they had something to be sorry for. It was getting too much for Evelyn and she knew what she had to do. Run like the wind.
She slammed her door so hard the room shook, and a framed photo fell from the dresser. Smashed glass all over the floor. After picking up the pieces, all that remained was a broken wooden picture frame and a black and white photo lying on the cold hard laminate floor.
“God, I miss you Aunt Rose…I look at your photo every day, wishing you was really here”. Evelyn said crying into the picture. “But I am here kid, I’m here right now. Can’t you see”. Aunt Rose replied as she stood by the doorway.
“Not like this Aunt Rose. Not as a ghost but as a real human presence”. Evelyn yelled.
“Now you wait a minute, young lady. First of all, I’m not a ghost, but an Angel and second I’m as a real as it gets”. Aunt Rose screamed.
Evelyn smiled and a chuckle found its way into her heart. “Now, go downstairs and apologise to that nice young man and work together on this project. Hurry before he eats all of my candy on that tree”. Aunt Rose responded with the only way she knew how. With assertiveness and humour.
Working her way towards Joel, Evelyn thought that she didn’t have the courage to apologise, but after seeing a glimpse of Aunt Rose’s angry face. She knew she never wanted to double cross her, and she just had to do it.
“Apologies are often hard, so I get it”. Joel mumbled. If it wasn’t for my Aunt Rose, his arrogance would have placed Joel outside my house and on the blocked list for future events and interactions. Evelyn thought to herself.
She smiled and for the first time in a long time, it seemed Evelyn found an ally, a friend if you will in Joel to talk to and discuss her love of Christmas and her hates. And for a while, Evelyn felt free. Like the weight on her shoulders had been lifted for someone else to carry the heavy burdens of life.
Days went by and the deadline was finally approaching. Evelyn and Joel discovered a mutual interest in the joys of Christmas and the inspirations behind them. From inspirations in gift giving or people inspiring others from their actions or their positive beliefs and values. It dawned on Evelyn that collaborating with Joel meant she had a chance to get to know him better. Away from a work setting and into personal waters with him.
“I hope you two are ready for the presentation, the client is waiting inside”. Colin remarked.
“This is it! Everything we’ve been working so hard for. Remember Evelyn you, being just yourself, is what will push this deal forward. I doubt their going to be interested in the numbers side of things. But I’m sure a personal relationship, a personal touch will certainly get us there”. Joel expressed an excitement that Evelyn hadn’t seen before. It was almost as if this was a new person and she helped to get him there.
Walking into the boardroom felt scary, Evelyn had been through done these many times, but this time was different. The atmosphere was a lot more serious, and the tone was cold and isolating. For Evelyn feared walking into the unknown and this was no exception.
“Right then Miss Oaks and Mr Conners, please when you’re ready. Please tell us why the article of The real meaning of Christmas and the inspirations behind it would be great to feature in our magazine”. The client asked.
“Certainly”. Joel declared. He was strangely calm and content. For a busy body who is nosey with nothing better to do, this was unsettling to Evelyn.
Joel continued. “We found that this year is a difficult time for everyone, I’m sure we all hate this Coronavirus as much as that annoying colleague over there”. Everyone laughed and nodded heads. Was this normal? Am I dreaming? Evelyn questioned this interaction with uncertainty. It felt like high school over again. Is this too much, are we going into this way too heavy? she wondered.
“It’s thrown uncertainty over every life situation and cause havoc with people’s lives. But one thing we. Both Miss Oaks and I have discovered is the inspiration in this town is immeasurable. People have come together to help one another, to ensure everyone smiles not just for the day but for life. Now, especially in this year. Inspiration is no longer valid from finding and giving the best gift, it’s any finding any gift that matters even a 99 cent one. The best gift anyone can give this Christmas would be to make someone smile again”.
Joel was really selling this article like a Christmas cookie at a bakery. Evelyn thought. It was nice to see him in his element. It was nice to see him for who he is. A person with feelings who uses anger and spite as way to make himself feel better.
“And with this current situation, the inspiration to make this a Christmas to remember is everywhere. It’s on our doorstep when the mail man comes to visit, it’s in our coffee shops when people sit in silence wondering about the day, it’s also within us too. We can all be creative to help make Christmas a wonderful day to remember and to help someone smile again. It’s about family, love and the joys of it all but it’s also a time to remember those we lost too”. Evelyn said as she stood there smiling. Evelyn felt proud and for the first time in a very long time, Evelyn had a moment of peace. One she’d never experienced before, and she liked it.
“So, with our article. We can put a list of things to do in remembrance of someone they lost…”. Evelyn affirmed.
“…from lighting a candle and keeping them in our thoughts, to playing their favourite music and dancing around the house as a family, to even singing a song that makes them laugh. Mine is Under the Sea. From” Joel yelled in excitement.
“From The Little Mermaid, we get it thank you Joel”. Collin laughed.
“Looks like we got a smashing article to approve for this year’s Christmas special”. Said the Client.
“Thank you all, please wait outside while we decide”. Collin asked.
Waiting for the board of directors to approve an article felt like agony. Evelyn and Joel waited for hours, and hours and the day suddenly became night.
“Chinese or Steakhouse?” Joel asked Evelyn. “Just because we’re waiting, we still have to eat something”.
“Chinese. Can’t beat a good shrimp rice and Sweet and Sour chicken.” Evelyn replied. The two of them laughed and for those hours it seemed like time stood still endlessly.
Colin came out of the boardroom a little flustered and that bothered Evelyn. Especially since it reminded her of last summer.
“May I have a word Miss Oaks in my office?” Collin asked
“Of course,”. As soon as Collin closed the door, it seemed he couldn’t help himself but bring up the past again.
“Great piece Evelyn, I see that working with Joel did help you in the end. You two work well together”. Collin said.
“Listen, Collin continued. About last summer, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to kiss you and leave you in the wind”.
“Leave me in the wind, Evelyn shouted. You told me you love me, kissed me, and ran off. I didn’t hear from you or see you until a whole 6 months after on Christmas Eve”. Evelyn yelled as she slapped Collin’s face.
“You just left me. I waited for you for a long time. Then you texted me that you can’t do this anymore. How was I supposed to function? Evelyn said. She walked out and slammed the door. Standing there in the hallway, she took a deep breath as Joel stood up in shock.
“They’re waiting for us. They called us back in, but I said I’ll wait for you”. Joel and Evelyn walked into the boardroom with their heads held high. It seemed that the clients loved the article and for Evelyn, she knew she could be herself once again. For the journey was treacherous and dark, but with the help of her close and new friends. Evelyn saw a new beginning opening up for her and her career. One she was sure grateful for.
Holding her coffee mug, standing by the window. Evelyn saw a snowflake glisten in the sunlight and right there and then, Evelyn knew her Aunt Rose was behind her inspiration for this article. Giving Evelyn the closure she had been seeking for some time.
Feeling blissful, Evelyn stood there in awe of the blessings all around her. She finally felt accomplished and not to mention proud for everything she had worked incredibly hard for. This was Evelyn’s dream coming true right before her eyes and she was thankful.
