The rules you’re following are NOT yours. I promise. You THINK you’re making the rules because they support likes and dislikes you have about your body. Or they support the beliefs you have around what is available to you in stores and what is not. And most importantly, you THINK they support you being liked and accepted out in the world.
But what if YOU MADE THE RULES about what you wore? And what if based them on what you’d wear in the comfort of your own home with no one around to potentially judge you*.
Tamara Johnson-Shealey is our next guest. On this episode, she talks about reaching across the aisle and discusses POLITICS, and what it means to her.
Tamara is a former 2022 Candidate for the United States Senate representing Georgia. She also had a huge hand in introducing a Legislative Session to address the impact of Slavery and Jim Crow on Descendants of Chattel Slavery in Georgia.
Tamara is also involved in The Concerned Beauty and Barber Professionals, an advocacy group that addresses the need to protect the health and safety of Licensed Beauty and Barber Professionals and the clients they serve.
Tamara is an amazing role model in her community with a strong work ethic!
You can find Tamara Johnson-Shealey on her website www.tamarashealey.comand on Instagram, Facebook, and Linked in @tamarashealey.
Welcome to the Podcast where we talk all things Money, Sex & Politics as they pertain to women thought leaders, industry disruptors, and business activists.
In this episode, we are talking POLITICS and reaching across the isle.
Don’t worry, we promise to keep it light and bright with f-bombs delightfully placed 🙂
Seriously, it’s mostly comedy & errors with suggestions on how we can maybe, probably do better & asking leaders if they agree!
We know that a women lead world will be better for us ALL; particularly when we look at how the power inherent in Money, Sex & Politics are accessed.
YOUR HOST OF MONEY. SEX. POLITICS PODCAST
Join host Rose Kaz, serial boat burner, humanist & social entrepreneur as she digs into conversations with a variety of female-forward visionaries who actualize their big visions into real-life actions.
These leaders push forward to a world where women are equal to men, underrepresented skin tones find safety, and folks who identify as theys and thems are valued.
JOIN US BACKSTAGE
Our talks here point to the shift we are building digitally to build a better world by doing social media differently. See what are we building behind the curtain, come Backstage, and get involved.
Contact us at SayHiLBI@gmail.com for inquiries and questions. We love to discuss Money, Sex, and Politics!
“ It’s very important, I think for us to stay unified in our mission. Even if we have different copy, we have the very same mission of making a more equal world striving for a more just experience for all humans, not just the lady bosses around us. Although we do know that when we have more women at the helm of roles of leadership, like political office, we often see a better experience for the whole world..” – Tamara Johnson-Shealey
This month’s theme in our Backstage Pass community and on the blog is INSPIRED! We have some wonderful conversations lined up for you.
If you keep scrolling, you’ll find a few of our hand-selected articles to highlight the conversation around inspiration. Take your pick and browse some of our outstanding writers and topics!
How to Remain Inspired as a Woman in Business
“If the last two years on this planet have taught me anything, it’s that I am a powerful resource for this world and it needs me. I also must have daily inspiration surging through me as I build better ways of doing business with women globally.
It’s imperative, actually and I implore you to make the same inspired choices for yourself in how you show up to work, in your personal life and shoot, even at the grocery store.”
Women in Leadership: Inspiring Others and Changing the World
“There is no question that women are powerful and can be great leaders. However, many times women don’t take on leadership roles because they feel they aren’t qualified or they don’t feel confident in their abilities.
What we need to remember is that when women step up and take on leadership positions, they inspire others to do the same.
Women who lead show other women that it is possible to achieve anything they want, regardless of their gender. Leadership means different things to different people, but one thing is for sure – when women take on leadership roles, the whole world benefits!”
“Are you feeling overwhelmed by all suffering in the world right now?
While we must stay vigilant, informed and support those suffering around the world, we must also care for ourselves and there is nothing quite so healing as entertainment. To that end, here are some shows to provide you temporary respite from the state of the world.”
“We see this thing we think is reality, but it’s not reality. It’s actually all based on our assumptions of it, the frameworks that have existed since before we arrived.
For example, we have frameworks of patriarchy and colonialism still at play in our current world. Those are not my favorite frameworks, and so I don’t like to assume that they are true just because we can see evidence of them.
I want to dream of new frameworks, and then create them.”
“I have been dancing with inspiration and inspired action for as long as I can remember. In my 20s, I always felt like I was chasing the next inspired moment.
Inspired actions would come to me like a wave I could ride into the vision of my future.
When I reached my 30s, I went through some more challenging life events that deprived me of my inspired actions and visions. I was in survival mode where the most important thing was to make it to the next hour or day in one piece.
I am in the latter half of my 30s now, and my relationship with inspired thought and action has shifted quite a bit. Inspired moments are no longer something I chase, but something I allow to find me.”
“As a thought leader and a woman in business, I’ve always been curious to push the envelope on how we can use tech for more effective altruism.
Last year at this time I was teeing up the launch of this big idea I had during Covid closures in 2021 on how we could better connect women to the tools & resources we need to be effective and strong leaders. You know, like a boys club but instead for women leaders who want to see the world change.”
As a thought leader and a woman in business, I’ve always been curious to push the envelope on how we can use tech for more effective altruism.
Last year at this time I was teeing up the launch of this big idea I had during Covid closures in 2021 on how we could better connect women to the tools & resources we need to be effective and strong leaders. You know, like a boys club but instead for women leaders who want to see the world change.
The Great Incubation
I now refer to this interesting time in history as The Great Incubation. I have noticed so many interesting and thought changing business concepts emerging from that dark & somber pause for the planet, particularly women lead initiatives that offer a more collaborative way of organizing.
We won’t get into who paused when and for how long but the larger point I’d like to call attention to is that we had a global time out in our regular programming of human-ing and we are now seeing our fella humans churning out solutions to the variety of large problems we’ve seen most highlighted in recent years: systemic meltdowns & failures that don’t fully support our basic human needs & right to advance to our highest potential.
Over the course of the last two years we have seen more clearly how we need a full system upgrade regarding everything from our health systems to our political processes, from the way we gain access to funds as marginalized groups to when or how we are expected to pay debts.
The systems are a changin, ya’ll.
And that big message I keep hearing loud and clear from The Great Incubation is that to solve these systemic problems which require systemic upgrades, we need the thought leaders, industry disruptors and business activists to stand up and lead the way, to elevate our systems but raising the bar of that which we accept as acceptable.
Activate Your Innovations
Now is the time to take these innovations we’ve dreamed up during that global pause & activate them as creative, business solutions accessible to all. And with this collective groundswell of female forward leadership, we will begin to see new systems built.
The big idea I offer to support the major updates required for our species to evolve forward include elevating those from historically marginalized communities who have not previously been shown access to all the tools & resources each human deserves.
From Survival to Thriving
ELEVATING our experiences as women in business from mere survival to extreme thriving by using the superpowers of the world wide web and re-visioning how we use social media and thereby the internet.
The LBI BACKSTAGE PASS Crew & I are doing this by centering the lives, voices & access of black & brown women, our LGBTQAI family and any thought leaders, industry disruptors and business activists that seek to integrate a female forward leadership at higher levels using technology.
This idea of building a better way of doing social media by first creating safe space online for female leaders to connect was born out of a deep desire to have a safe place for myself and other women interested in building new systems that care for our entire planet, not just a select few.
And in this particular time of our growth, the process of keeping the idea elevated, the team in a good state of positive inertia and to continue to connect with more thought leaders, industry disruptors and business activists is not for the faint of heart.
Start with the end in mind, they say.
But also keep iterating and resetting to the present moment at the same time bc …we’ll how else do we keep the mission going if not adjusting course as the course calls for it? Is it possible to consider both the end and the current, at the same time?
After some thought, I don’t think either is mutually exclusive. If we truly look at starting with the end in mind, working backwards on a messy, possibly volatile trajectory will automatically be riddled with opportunities to bob & weave, circle back and recalculate the flight path.
Afterall, being a woman in business within the current patriarchal order is clearly not the path of least resistance. But then again, being a person in any marginalized community isn’t easy either.
This entire process of making progress feels a bit like rubbing the belly and patting the head.
In fact, much of what I’ve noticed in getting a concept elevated to activate a big idea feels counter intuitive!
When considering all the moving parts that need to be in a perfect, chaotic symphony do we still continue with the end in mind? Maybe its more like starting with the end in mind whilst simultaneously keeping measure of how far the end appears to continue to move away from the starting point!?
Maybe because as we elevate, we are gaining speed, traction towards that end goal?? But is this an optical illusion?? Or maybe it’s the future of tech?? Is this how Web 3 works ?? 🙂
For example for an airplane to get off the ground, it needs support: the onboard crew, air traffic controllers and tarmac staff. The ticketing agents and even the silly social media trailers that get you to click on the ticket in the first place. Then, as if by magic, you are floating through the sky on like a million pounds of metal.
Collaborate to Elevate
Oh but wait, there is more working behind the scenes to keep this physics conundrum safely hurling at the speed of light to gracefully land in another city, sometimes even traveling back in time and into foreign lands.
So much collaboration on that elevation, ya’ll!!
Now that we have taken this metaphorical flight with little to no delays, zero turbulence and no crying babies, let’s keep an eye on how this example pertains to building a tech concept whilst it’s flying and keeping the trajectory upwards, even if entropy is real! I’d love it if you followed along on our journey to elevate US together.
We are building a big fat vision of tech glory and we need you to help this plane soar.
If you haven’t already checked out the LBI Backstage Pass, I invite you to come Backstage and see what we are building. It’s not an optical illusion but you can bet your ladyboss dollar that we will be elevating to Web 3 soon!
Rose Kaz is the Fem Founder and she’s done this a time or two. Her photo & video production company has taken her around the world but her new app allows her female clients & even women she hasn’t met yet to lean into each other, learn about our opportunity as business activists to support, grow & shop directly from one another. We are building a new economy, globally. WOW!
And the app we are talking about is that which Rose + the LBI Crew has launched where the ask for women is to: ‘ take center stage in their lives; to stand up, speak out & get GLOWING like never before’ Think activism meets B school meets super hip, online resource center! Sprinkle in some new school networking and POW The LBI Backstage Pass is #trending!
Click here to come Backstage, meet Rose and the entire community of femme forward leaders.
Moms- we have all been there. Exhausted, worn down, hopeless, and it is not even 7am. For me, a regular morning starts at 5:15 because that is the only time I have before the kids wake up (most days). Then it is straight to the grind. We are the boss of our businesses, our careers, and our homes. No matter what we do, we are juggling a million things.
5:15 am turns into 5:45ish am when the kids wake up, breakfast time and getting dressed before the park, soccer, another play date, lunch, nap, and then figuring out how on earth to keep them occupied until bed. During their naps, it is all about writing, blogging, gaining publicity, laundry, cleaning, ordering groceries, ordering things for the kids, prepping dinner, and trying to sit down knowing it will be the only time of the day I get to do it. This is all on a non-work day.
How is it possible that we can do this? We, as women, put pressure on ourselves to get absolutely everything done on our own. We think our way is the only way. We do not ask for help, especially when we need it. We feel that we need to do it all.
What is Mommy Bossing?
Mommy Bossing is a new term that I have created. We not only are living our work lives, but we are mommy-ing. We are Mommy Bossing every single day whether we know it or not. Breaks are few and far between. All we want is some time to ourselves, but we are lost at how to find it. Just last night, I wanted to take a quick shower as it was my only time alone. All I heard were the kids screaming for me, refusing to go to bed. I had no alone time even though I was indeed alone in the shower. Juggling this all is so hard, frustrating, and sometimes seems downright impossible.
So what can we do?
Ask For Help!
Why are we so afraid to say “I need help.”?
It is one of the hardest sentences that one can utter. It feels like we are saying we are incapable of doing something or that we failed. This is absolutely the opposite! We are doing ourselves a favor when we ask for help. This is one of the best pieces of advice I got when I was pregnant. Someone told me to never worry about asking for help once the kids arrived (twins). I knew I would need it.
What I didn’t know was that my son would be born with a life threatening birth defect. I needed an entire village. And by asking for help, I got it. I was able to be less worried about tedious things like laundry or dinners. I was able to put the energy needed towards the care of my son in the hospital and my daughter at home.
Commit to at least 3-4 hours a week to yourself. Schedule it!
This could be a morning walk, meditation, time at the spa, or anything that makes you happy! You can do small things everyday or wait until you have a few hours to yourself on the weekend. I personally enjoy my time at 5:15 in the morning (even though that is so dang early!), and I have some time to myself every Saturday to get massages and do errands or other things. I enjoy this time so much; my husband knows he is in charge during that time. It is on the schedule, and it is something I look forward to every week.
Let go of expectations
I have a box where I put in all of the things I feel like I need to control, but in reality I cannot. It is called “My God Box.” It does not have to be religious, rather I think of it as spiritual as I believe in a higher power that some would call God. By putting these uncontrollable expectations in this box, I am handing it over to the Universe acknowledging that I no longer have control of the situation.
This box is full of things as simple as “I need to stop obsessing over how I expect my family to act,” or other things like “I need to stop trying to control the outcome of a certain situation (say applications for preschool for example).” I do not have control over how people act or how every preschool has a different application process. I do not have control on whether or not the kids will be accepted to certain preschools due to wait lists.
By handing these situations over, I am letting go of my expectations knowing that the Universe has control. Not everyone has to let go of expectations this way. It is simply the way I do it, but everyone is on their own journey and can determine the best way forward for themselves.
These are 3 main things all of us can work on. They may sound simple. But the Mommy Boss in all of us needs these tools in order to live a life where we don’t need to do it all, where we can have time to ourselves, and where we can thrive even more than we already are.
Ellen Elizabeth is an infertility warrior and recovery advocate who uses her skills as an author and sober mother of twins to coach women struggling with feelings of shame and inadequacy. These mothers feel powerless to quit drinking or unable to bring a child into the world. Through radical honesty and recovery principles, Ellen inspires moms and their partners in all forms to define who they want to be and transform their demons into dreams.
Ellen has been featured in publications such as Authority Magazine, Collective World, and Recovery Today Magazine, as well as several podcasts. To keep herself centered, she makes her home with her family of 5 (dog included!) in Colorado Springs, CO.
Editors Note: This article is a bit of a departure from our normal content, but one so many of us can relate too. We chose to publish this submission because loss and heartache, and the struggle to battle the darkness that comes with them is something we can all relate too. This article deals with miscarriage and suicidal ideation.
I awoke Mother’s Day morning knowing something was wrong. The spotting that had started the previous day persisted and my lower abdomen started to throb. Despite my inner knowing, I pretended that everything was alright and proceeded to go about my day as if nothing was wrong.
I kissed my love, gave big hugs and kisses to my children and forced myself to get ready for brunch with the family. I thought to myself, if I just stay positive, everything will be just fine…. Sadly this was not the case.
After barely making it through brunch with the family, I headed home, feigning the need for rest. Not wanting to alarm my loved ones, I sent them off to continue on with our Mother’s Day celebration plans. As I watched my family leave, I continued to pray, begging the universe to protect my unborn child.
As the hours ticked by, the blood continued to flow and I knew that my miracle baby was not going to make the appearance I had hoped he would in this world.
After praying for hours, I finally gave my baby permission to let go and within 45 minutes, I was passing his body through me. Oh how I envisioned meeting him differently. Blood all over the floor, the remains of his body in my hand. All I could think to do was to capture the experience with pictures and let my child’s father know our baby was gone. What a tough message to deliver to one of the people you most want to protect in the world.
The days following the loss of my baby proved to be some of the most difficult days I had to face in many years. Alongside the fact that my hopes and dreams for raising my baby were gone, I had to contend with immediate hormonal changes within my body.
I experienced moments of extreme sadness and moments of surrender. All to be expected after what I had just been through. What I did not anticipate was the quick onset of dark thoughts and suicidal ideation. Talk about getting walloped!
Given that I have been studying psychology for years, I knew that the thoughts I was having were not real. I knew that once my hormones subsided, my mind would quiet and I would once again be able to navigate life joyfully and with gratitude.
Still, when these thoughts came up, it took every inch of self control I had not to feed into the darkness. At one point the thoughts came so quickly and often that I spent 36 hours in between sleep just watching movies so that I could keep my mind off my thoughts….. I never thought I would say this but, thank god for T.V.!
Five days out from my miscarriage my hormones started to subside and I was able to come up for air. The bleeding had lessened and I opted to go for a run hoping that the fresh air and endorphins would do me good. As my feet hit the pavement, I shed tears of sorrow for the loss of my baby, tears of gratitude for the ability to handle the insanity that came with my hormonal imbalance and tears of joy for having had the opportunity to carry life within me, even if only for a little while.
As I ran I realized I had a choice. I could wallow in sadness for what didn’t come to fruition or I could celebrate with joy the fact that I get to experience the fullness of life. Carrying and losing life, feeling deep joy and sorrow and knowing that it is the whole of our experiences that makes our life well lived. And while I still mourn the loss of a dream, I welcome the blessings that I know will inevitably come from my loss.
If nothing else, this experience has reinforced my connection to spirit. By surrendering to what is rather than holding on to what I wanted to be, I’ve gained new insights and reinforced my belief that all is just as it should be.
I’ve learned that loss brings renewal, my daily self care practice saved me and that how I show up in the world does in fact make a difference. Most importantly I am reminded that no matter what life throws my way, I am equipped with the tools to weather any storm.
If you are experiencing loss, know that you are not alone. That it will get easier and that it is ok to be gentle with yourself. Loss doesn’t just have to mean the end of something, it can also mean the beginning of something even brighter…..
Article written by our Community Womanager, Martine Stefanovic
No matter who you are or what you do, inspiration is a powerful tool. When used correctly, it can help you achieve great things in both your personal and professional life. So how can you go about leveraging inspiration in business? Keep reading to find out.
The Power of Inspiration and Your Business:
Some people believe that inspiration is an internal force. While others think it comes from the outside, inspiration is an internal force. Only you can inspire you. However you harness this power for your business will depend on what kind of person you are developing into currently. If you are looking to become more passionate about your business, seek inspiration.
The inspiration could be an action too. Whether it’s thinking, speaking, or listening. Inspiration is a form of energy. Utilize each day to inspire as well as be inspired. There’s nothing wrong with taking a step back to seek inspiration. How are you building relationships with positive people?
Inspiration is an important element of any business. You must learn how to stay positive, protect your energy, and much more! Businesses have leveraged the power of inspiration in order to grow their brands with success stories that will inspire their clients and online community. Use the power of conversation to inspire.
There are many ways you can utilize the power of inspiration in your business today.
One way is by inspiring the ideal clients that will invest with you. If you want an investment in your business, learn how to inspire your clients and online community. This means taking the time to understand how your clients think or act. Understand your clients will become brand advocates if you continue to inspire them.
Your business can become a source of inspiration when you are focused. Start to have a deep investment in your passion to develop a purpose in your business. Take an in-depth interest in what it takes to inspire your community. Let inspiration aid in the success that we strive for as entrepreneurs.
Inspire yourself through any adversity. When your clients feel like they matter, they will invest in you. Give your clients and online community a direct call to action toward achieving success. Inspiration starts with getting 1% better each day no matter how challenging things may seem right now.
As an woman in business, it’s important to stay inspired in order to get the results you desire. Inspiration can come from a variety of sources, both within and outside of your industry. By harnessing inspiration for your business, you can create new and innovative products or services that will set you apart from the competition.
The benefits of power of inspiration in business are far and wide. It’s important to start incorporating inspiration into your daily routine today. If you need help getting started, there are plenty of resources available to you in the LBI Backstage Pass. Think about how you can stay inspired today!
I usually toggle between being super inspired and feeling wildly anxious. This could be just my general make up of optimism when it clashes with realism or maaaaaybe it’s just another manic Monday! In either case, after a full week away from technology and ‘work’, I’ve emerged more inspired by….myself. Can I even say that? Is that selfish, ladyboss? YES! I can say that because a) it’s true and b) we are doing things differently here at LBI!!
I do tend to see the world as very malleable, adventurous even in its challenges and I often maneuver easily into creative solutions whilst simultaneously noticing how chaotic our ‘systems’ can be for those of us women in business who really want to see the world change. And lately, I have even inspired myself in being able to maintain this outlook amidst a lot of setbacks.
If you’re in business for yourself, you know success is not a straight line and can feel downright evasive at times. Another call for finding safe spaces that truly feel collaborative, elevate us as natural leaders and leave us feeling inspired to continue doing business differently. ( Have you been Backstage , yet??) And how can we be inspired outwardly if we aren’t totally inspired by ourselves anyways??
Inspiration can be found everywhere…blah blah blah!!
“Take a look outside your window!’ ‘Stop and smell the flowers!!” – they say.
“Look up from your smartphone and be in the now.” – they also say. And sure, yes all these little life hacks can be great, tiny suggestions to experience the grand world around us as inspiration instead of chaotic. AND I’ve very recently discovered that in order to really remain inspired and not allow for anxiety to take control of the unknowns of my day to day in running an online business that is now emerging again into the real world, I have to slow down tremendously.
The old way of doing business was to grind hard,faster, stronger and longer. To essentially burn ourselves out for the ultimate goal of ….what exactly?
If I am to remain inspired in my life; both personally and professionally, then I want to actually enjoy the process of where and how I spend my time. If I am to be actively engaged in making inspired choices, I need to then take stock in how I spend my energy, with whom and for what purpose.
If the last two years on this planet have taught me anything, it’s that I am a powerful resource for this world and it needs me. AND I also must have this daily inspiration surging through me as I build better ways of doing business with women globally. It’s imperative actually and I implore you to make the same inspired choices for yourself in how you show up to work, in your personal life and shoot, even at the grocery store.
What if each of slowed down just 5% so we could care 5% more about something we want to care about instead of what we think we should care about!?
That week away was good for many reasons and quite honestly somewhat unplanned or rather outside of what I thought our schedule was to be. My inspiration meter was running on fumes and I needed a reset. PERIOD. And here I am reporting back with inspo for myself, our collective platform that supports more badass women to show up in their business authentically so that we can change the world and for the crazy, chaotic world we are living in.
If I don’t tend to my inspiration like a freshly sprouted plant or like one that has outgrown it’s original container, then what kind of garden am I growing? Am I living within?
For the record, in the past I had made some time to stop and smell the flowers but often I am doing that whilst simultaneously replying to a message on Slack, sharing production notes, reviewing a run of show for a huge online event we are hosting or other sort of ‘multi tasking’ hack!! But that’s not being honest to inspiration or fully open to those subtle miracles that happen every minute we are busy grinding. That’s performance inspiration that makes us think we are slowing down but aren’t truly engaging in the stunning world around us.
I am absolutely a work in progress and this bit of slowing down, so that inspiration can find me, is relatively new for me. I’d come from the patriarchy camp of the busier you are, the more inspired you can be, could be, even should be! But now I am actually beginning to see the joys of slow living.
I can still do business with purpose and even swiftly, at times, but I now much prefer the occasion to enjoy my precious time on earth and hopefully serve as inspiration to others as we collaborate, elevate and inspire each other as frequently as possible.
How often are you slowing down to let inspiration find you? Sound off in the comments!
To understand the significance of mindset and its impact on your life, you must first understand what mindset is and how it influences your decision-making. Simply stated, mindset is the combination of your beliefs, your way-of-thinking, and the way you perceive the world and the people around you. The culmination of these things is what establishes your personal mindset, and the view you cultivate based upon those things will profoundly impact your life and how you make decisions.
The way you think dictates the way you feel. The way you feel impacts how you take actions. The only way to generate the life you want is through taking the necessary actions needed to achieve the results you desire. Therefore it is easily assessed that your mindset can make or break your chances of success.
Carol S. Dweck, Ph. D holder and renowned author, wrote a book called Mindset the New Psychology of Success that is entirely about 2 specific mindsets that people possess. Every person has bits of both, but one is always more prominent than the other. She defines one type as “closed,” where the person believes traits as well as human characters and other qualities are fixed. (i.e., people are gifted and adept to particular skillsets or they aren’t) The other mindset is defined as “open;” their belief opposing the other – believing that you can develop skillset and personality traits.
Can you guess which mindset tends to feel victimized by their circumstances? It’s the same one that often shies away from risk-taking because they seek validation and don’t want to risk failure. The way others perceive them can cause them great distress, because they work hard to prove themselves to others.
If you guessed closed, you are correct.
A closed mind will rarely be open to take the risks needed to carve out their own path. A closed mind will rarely accept advice that is contrary to their personal beliefs, even if it’s the exact advice they need to propel their life in the direction of their choosing. The mentality “don’t fix it if it t isn’t broken,” or variants of that saying, often lead their decision making.
An open mind, however, rarely views failure as failure. They look at it as a steppingstone – it’s a lesson learned and a precursor to when they will succeed. This makes it easier to be open to the opportunities presented. They are able to lean into the discomfort of change and the unknown in order to reach new developmental heights.
Which mentality do you think you showcase the most in your life?
Do you wait for opportunity to knock? Do you need it to relentlessly pound on the door nearly knocking it off of its hinges to take advantage of it? Do you play it safe? Have you grown complacent for comfort?
Do you grasp an opportunity and take a chance? Do you put faith in yourself that you can achieve something you’ve never done before?
No matter the answer, the important thing to know is this – Shifting your mindset doesn’t necessarily take a lot of effort but it does take intention.
We have nearly a life-long ability to continue learning, growing, and improving ourselves. Though we might have times in our lives where we feel stagnant or stuck, this fact allows us the fortunate opportunity to not remain cemented in place. It provides an ongoing path that can move us forward in whichever direction we desire, we just have to embrace it properly.
Your mindset can aid you in manifesting the life you’ve always dreamed of, or it can keep you from reaching your full potential. THAT is its power. It isn’t a buzzword I use – it is a skillset that I advocate for and continuously try to improve within myself and for my clients. Mindset is the key to manifesting a life where you can feel fulfilled and happy…and who doesn’t want that?
My sister and I are business partners at Small L.E.A.P.S. Health & Fitness Coaching and being women in business pose its own set of challenges, let alone, building an online business during a pandemic. One of the biggest obstacles we have had to face is our own negative self-talk. So often we are our own worst enemies because our brains focus on the negatives. With so many added obstacles as women in business, it is important to give ourselves compassion.
During primal times, it was important to our survival to have a healthy dose of anxiety and a focus on the negative ‘what ifs’ as a way to protect us from real and perceived threats. So, it makes sense that now our minds and inner dialogue often instinctually move more to the negative side as our brain is still trying to protect us. However, now-a-days we do not always have to focus on the threats or negative thoughts-we are not being chased by bears or lions daily! Many people experience this kind of automatic negative thoughts on a daily basis. When these thoughts begin to interfere with our happiness, business and day to day life it may be helpful to change those thoughts. The great news is that you have the ability to shift your negative thoughts and incorporate more kindness into your life.
At Small L.E.A.P.S. we have a few strategies we use on a regular basis to build our self compassion and to move away from the negative thoughts that hurt us.
Curiosity vs Judgement
Judgements are often assumptions and not truths, yet they can hold a strong power over us. When you constantly live in a space of judgement you might tell yourself you are “not good enough”, “are worthless” or other harsh self-condemning and self-deprecating statements. When we use harsh judgements towards ourselves it can lead to consistent negativity, low self-esteem and self-worth. It can also lead to anxiety, irritability, anger, feelings of shame, guilt, frustration, all-or-nothing thinking, and feelings of discontent. Overall, it can negatively impact motivation and lower self-love.
Reframing your thoughts is a powerful tool to become more kind to yourself. Coming from a stance of curiosity versus judgement can help you move forward in an empowered way.
Shifting to a curious mindset can help move you to becoming more patient, and understanding. You will develop more empathy, a deeper sense of inner peace/freedom, and self-acceptance. Developing self-compassion and compassion towards others, it can lead to more happiness in your life, and can lessen the negative impacts of your inner critic.
Curiosity does not make assumptions, it doesn’t label things as good or bad, and it listens. When you step into curiosity you are able to observe & reflect. This reflection is to help you learn, identify patterns and move forward; it allows more mindfulness into your life.
To be more curious ask yourself:
What led to this?
Is it a pattern?
What can I learn from this?
Where do I go from here? What is in my control to change, what is outside of my control?
Ask why or why not?
Shifting Negative Thoughts
Thoughts only have the power that you give them. Know that it is possible to move towards a more empowering mindset.
When shifting negative thoughts to be more compassionate and kinder, remember to Stop, Observe, Investigate & Swap!
Stop– Take a moment to reflect.
Observe– What is the situation you are in? How do you feel?
Investigate– Is the negative thought true? Is it something you truly believe to be 100% true? If not, what makes this untrue?
Swap– Write out a compassionate statement that is empowering. If you struggle with compassionate statements towards yourself, take a moment and pretend your best friend or loved one is in this exact situation. What would you say to them that is compassionate?
Create a Self-Care List
Self-care can be defined as: ‘a deliberate and mindful act of acknowledging the need for purposeful self-directed health’. People often find self-care activities to be self-healing, relaxing, mindful and enjoyable. Performing self-care activities is beneficial for not only your physical but also your mental health. When there is a lack of self-care there is a higher risk of increased stress levels and challenges with effective coping. By creating and using a self-care list it can help you identify what your needs are and how to nurture them.
Creating your own self-care list will give you a variety of ways to nourish your mind, body and soul. Remember these self-care actions don’t have to be extravagant, costly, or take up loads of your time and can be flexible.
Self-care examples you could put on your own list are:
Diaphragmatic deep breathing
Learn to say “no”
5 minutes for personal reflection/writing
Allowing yourself rest
As women in business, we face so many challenges! We need to provide compassion & empower ourselves. When you have a hard day or find it difficult balancing home life with work, it is important to remember you are human, you make mistakes, you deserve compassion. It is so easy to fall into the trap of negative thinking but by approaching these thoughts with curiosity instead of judgement, actively working to shift your negative thoughts, and creating a self-care list you will be taking the first steps to developing a more self-compassionate mind set. You can do this!
Lindsay is a certified health/life coach with Small L.E.A.P.S. Health & Fitness Coaching and has worked in the health & wellness industry for over a decade. She is a mom of two and is passionate about supporting people on their journey to connect with mind, body & food to feel more confident, compassionate & live a life they love.