The Ultimate Guide To Elevating Your Relationship

Relationships have changed more in the last 50 years than they have in the previous 5,000. We now have more freedom than ever to choose who we want to be and who we want to be within a relationship. But with this freedom comes the responsibility to understand how to create a solid foundation on which our relationship can thrive. In the past, relationships were more based on survival and need. Today, modern-day couples enter into a relationship for the psychological fulfillment of both individuals. 

The following is a guide to creating a happy and healthy long-term relationship.

Create A Common Vision

The first step to creating the relationship and life of your dreams is to have a clear vision. Having a life vision allows you to get more clarity about your future and what you truly want. To get from where you are to where you want to be, you must be specific. I am here to support you every step of the way.

The Ultimate Guide to Elevating Relationships

Create Your Vision Questionnaire

Strengthen your relationship by asking your partner the following questions:

1. Finances: How much money do you want to make annually? How will this money serve you? What are your values and expectations regarding money?

2. Home: What does your home look like? Where are you living? How does your home serve you? What are your values and expectations when it comes to your home?

3. Work: Where are you working, and what are you doing? Why does this occupation serve you? What are your values and expectations regarding your work?

4. Relationship: What does your relationship with your partner look like? How does this relationship serve you? What are your values and expectations regarding your relationship?

5. Children: What relationship do you have with your children? How does this relationship serve you? What are your values and expectations regarding your children?

6. Family: what type of relationship do you have with your family? How do these relationships serve you? What are your values and expectations when it comes to your family?

7. Health: What type of diet and exercise routine do you have? How does this healthy routine serve you? What are your values and expectations regarding your health?

8. Interests and Adventures: What are your interests, hobbies and adventure goals? How do these experiences serve you? What are your values and expectations regarding your interests and adventure?

9. Personal Life: How are you feeling within yourself? What type of person are you? What are your values and expectations when it comes to your personal lives?

Once you understand what you want your life to look like (goals) and begin to dig deeper as to why those things are important to you (values), you will start to create the foundation of your life and begin to take steps to thrive. 

Master Effective Communication

When two people come together in a relationship, they create three entities.

  • Partner One
  • Partner Two
  • The Couple

Understanding means being sympathetically aware of our partner’s feelings, tolerant and forgiving. To understand is to become familiar with them and to accept them the way they are.

We must understand our partners and listen to their needs and desires. We must gain insight into who our partner is and what they truly need from us. This understanding must come without judgement or expectations. We will learn how to truly listen by making an effort to hear them, being alert and ready to absorb and accept all information. (Acceptance does not equal agreement) To understand someone, you must learn how to communicate effectively.

The Ultimate Guide to Elevating Relationships 2

How well do you know your partner’s inner psychological world, their history, worries, stresses, joys, and hopes?

How to Have Effective Communication

Base your conversation on one topic at a time. Then go through the following steps:

The Speaker

1.  Speak clearly and directly while maintaining eye contact.
2. Give pauses so that your partner can comment.
3. Use “I statements”.

The Listener

1. Listen carefully to what your partner says, not what you think they mean.
2. Practice uninterrupted listening: Be aware that when we are in an argument, our attention span caps at ten seconds before we stop focusing on what the other person is saying and begin to think of our defensive statements.
3. Show you understand, regardless of whether or not you agree. Comment on what they said and validate their feelings.

Understanding Questionnaire

Strengthen your relationship by asking your partner the following questions:

What was the beginning of your relationship like, and what inspired you to make this commitment?

How are the two of you similar, and how are you different?

When do you feel most content in your relationship? When do you feel most unhappy or frustrated?

On a scale of 1 to 10, how much do you respect your partner (1=not at all, 10=very highly)?

What is it about them that creates that level of respect in you?

What role have you played in contributing to the problems in your relationship?

Master The Power Couple Technique

Relationships without fighting are not only possible, but they are also necessary.

To navigate your relationship successfully, you must be able to go through conflict lovingly and respectfully, finding a solution that works for both partners time and time again.


The 7 Steps to Success

1. Create a safe environment
Find the right time and place to have a conversation face-to-face with eye contact and respectful tones.

Example: When the kids are in bed on a Saturday night, you sit on the sofa with a glass of wine and soft music playing.

2. Each person states the issue in need of resolution. Do you agree?

Example: I tell my husband I am overwhelmed with the house chores. Working from home, taking care of a nine-month-old, cooking and cleaning are not leaving me time for self-care.

3. Each person states how they view the issue. 
Here we must practice understanding which is accepting our partner’s perspective as valid, even if we disagree.

4. Each person explains what outcome they desire. Do you agree?
Here we focus on what we want, not what we want our partner to do.

Example: I would like more time during the week to practice self-care.

5. Together, brainstorm ways to solve the problem. Make a list.
Be open and creative. Don’t worry about what is the only solution. 

Example: We could divide the cleaning by days. I can clean Monday, Wednesday and Friday while you clean Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday. We could hire a cleaner. We could have a cleaning party on Saturdays where we all clean while dressed in funny costumes and listening to our favourite music. We could divide the cleaning by tasks, and we each pick which ones we prefer to do.

6. Pick one you would like to try first. Begin to solve the issue.
We often get caught up on what is the one solution to fix everything. Instead, we can feel calmer and more confident by choosing one solution we believe MAY work, putting it into practice and seeing how it goes.

7. Check in with each other to see if you have resolved the issue. If not, pick another possible solution. Repeat this process as often as needed until you find a solution that works for both of you.

Improve intimacy

Sexual intimacy and sex are two different things. Sexual intimacy is not simply a physical act but a pleasurable experience between two people in Love who express trust, vulnerability and appreciation for one another. It’s about physical and emotional intimacy and improved health for both partners, thanks to the excellent release of hormones due to physical touch. Sex is not only about penetration and orgasms. Physical intimacy has a range of expressions, all focusing first on the mind. When couples embrace, they have increased levels of oxytocin, the hormone responsible for lowering stress and making us feel less stressed. 

Learn About Your Body

Now’s the time to explore if you’re unsure what you like or how to reach orgasm. Take some alone time for yourself to discover what gives you pleasure. Then go back to the first tip and communicate that with your partner. If both partners know what makes them feel good individually, it will give you a higher chance of feeling good when you are together.

Identify Your Turn Ons

What can you or your partner do to get you in the mood? Women tend to enjoy sex more when we are warmed up. So it’s essential to identify what that looks like to you. Is it a back massage, a candle-lit dinner with lots of room for dessert and neck kisses, listening to relaxing music or having a warm bath? Explore various possible turns and see which one works for you.

Live A Healthy Lifestyle

Exercise releases endorphins and hormones and helps you become attuned to your body. Through the aging process, exercise can help increase desire, especially among women.

Become An Adventurous Person

People who are curious and open to new experiences report higher levels of sexual satisfaction. Be open to new ideas, and don’t be afraid to try new things with your partner.

Ultimate Guide to Elevate

Practice Mindfulness

Mindfulness is the ability to be present in the present moment. This means not being worried about the past or fearful of the future. When you are with your partner, mindfulness can slow down intimate moments together and allow you to guide the scenario in the way which it’s most pleasurable to you.

Create Physical Intimacy Outside of Sex

Having a high physical intimacy outside of sex often translates to a heightened level of sexual intimacy during sex. Physical intimacy can include kissing, holding hands, cuddling, caressing, spooning, eye contact and rubbing. The more physically connected you are during the day, you will feel closer to one another. 

Schedule it

I know how busy we are, ladies! It never ends with the kids, the partner, the job, the chores, the meetings, and the friends! But if you are currently sexually active in a sexual relationship, it’s essential to understand that it is not a luxury; it’s a necessity. The bond strengthened during sexual intimacy will spill out into all the other aspects of your life; it’s an investment! When you make Love to your partner and are feeling happy and energized, that is how the two of you will show up with one another in other aspects of your relationship and with others, including your children.

Intimacy Questionnaire

Strengthen your relationship by asking your partner the following questions:

Describe our sexual relationship. What do you find most satisfying about it? What don’t you like about it?

How has your sexual relationship changed since we were first together?

How well do you think our sex drives match up? How often would you like to have sex?

How important do you think sex is in our relationship?

Are there things you want to explore sexually that you haven’t told me about?

Cultivate Joy

Joy is a fulfilling and happy occurrence in successful relationships. It means to experience great pleasure or delight with your partner.

Learn to play

Play reduces stress, improves sleep, reduces aggression, fosters creativity and strengthens the bond in relationships. Play can be considered “other-directed”—the kind that genuinely draws others into silliness and good cheer. Another play is “intellectual,” where we enjoy wordplay and creatively solving problems. Play can also be “whimsical,” an amusement with life and a slightly oddball attitude.

Invest in quality time

The most comprehensive study on happiness conducted at Harvard University shows that people who invest in their relationships live longer and happier lives. Beyond social class, genetics, or cholesterol levels, the study found that positive relationships with others were the leading drivers of someone’s ability to combat health issues.

3 Keys to Quality Time

  • Schedule it: Pick days and times during the week that you can enjoy with one another. Start with less and add more as time goes on.
  • Set the Boundaries: Define what will be done when and set the rules for each activity.
  • Give a significant amount: giving all of your attention to your partner gives couples time to relax and open up their heart to each other. Effective communication allows individuals to be themselves, bringing the team closer together. Scheduling quality time ensures you do not miss any opportunity to be together. During this time, don’t waste time worrying about the family, work and kids. Just focus on the moment life has blessed you with. To spend time together, you’ll also need to plan activities to keep the passion between you two alive.

Joy Questionnaire 

Strengthen your relationship by asking your partner the following questions:

1. Describe your perfect morning
2. How do you relax after a long day? A long week?
3. What three activities are you dying to try with me?
4. What habits would you like to introduce into the relationship?
5. What does fun look like for you?

Follow @raileymolinario on Instagram for daily tips on how to create a thriving relationship that truly stands the test of time!

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More About Railey

More About Railey

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Expert Love Educator & Relationship Coach Railey Molinario is empowering us to create lives we Love by teaching us relationship intelligence. She’s best known for her signature program, the Power Couple PhD, which teaches couples her scientifically backed formula for creating happy and healthy relationships.

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